Procrastination, manscaping and fun in the sun

I’ve found it much harder to be focused nowadays. With the increasing onslaught of social media, the fact I now have a smart phone, (I purposely didn’t for 3 years, I’m remembering why), the innate procrastination I’m so used to that seems to grow worse the more I need to do something important ( effects of my generation?). Grrrrrr, can’t seem to keep my thoughts straight today. Got an invite to a pool party social, it’s like a single’s gathering that some friends from church are putting together. I don’t really like to go to a “church event”, unofficial as it may be; but the girl that is putting it together is my best friend’s girlfriend, at least I think they’re back together, I haven’t received official confirmation quite yet. They’re hanging out, that’s a good sign. (Hold on Rick, I thought you said in your about me section you stopped going to church years ago? I’m glad you asked, patience, I’ll explain that another time.hehe)

I purposely had set some time after my morning workout to write( tried reformer Pilates for the first time earlier in the morning, with like machines and stuff; interestingly enough, a good workout. I stretched muscles I didn’t know I had. I always thought it’s a work out for girls, that it wouldn’t make me break a sweat; but damn, my core got a good butt kicking. Although I did in effect, not sweat much. My feet did! Well they usually always do, SECRET EXPOSED!

(Well the machine didn’t really look like this,  and no thank you to wearing spandex)

Luckily I got some new grip socks that saved me from face planting the iron bars of the reformer machine.(Let me tell ya, I was close once either way) Don’t judge, you try being tall and lanky. I need to do Pilates to deal with some chronic back pain; brought on by years of poor posture, desk jobs, and never stretching, in fact the pain has dissipated greatly the last few weeks since I started doing it consistently. IF ONLY IT COULD TAKE THE PAIN OF MY SOULLLLL ( Said in an ominous, deep SMAUG- like voice) Lighten up, only kidding…haha

Anyhow, my plan was to write a bit after working out, before the pool party. I still struggle with FOMO, fear of missing out; I think it’s a legit psychological term. Whenever I’m sitting at home looking outside the window seeing its nice & sunny I feel like I need to be outside, that I’m missing out on something. The fact is that it’s Texas, it’s usually nice and sunny either way most of the time. Nothing will happen if I hold off from going out for a few hours. (Unless I’m getting cabin fever.) It can be quite distracting from doing important things to think I should be outside at the pool or doing some kind of outdoor exercise or activity. Especially since I live walking distance from beautiful hiking trails. I struggle with just being ok with the moment and being present. I’m better than I used to be, before I felt I had to always be busy. A lot of people are that way nowadays. It’s ok and important to take some time to breathe, chill and be still with one’s thoughts. Or just to relax and watch TV or read a book; something that’s not necessarily “ productive” . This writing time I was set to focus on a particular story I was working on last week, I can’t seem to get my brain to get back into that topic right now. So yes, I’m just ranting right now. It is my blog right, I must remember that I set the rules.

So yes, I need more discipline in my life. At least for writing or doing things that are important to me. Although oddly enough a coworker I respect not long ago told me that I was the most disciplined person that she knew. In my head I was like , really? Hmmm..you need to observe more people.lol. No jk, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. It’s ok to have days or sat mornings where I’m just bumming around at home doing nothing. I get frustrated with myself at times because sometimes I go the other extreme from being busy all the time, ill lounge around and be lazy during my free time ALL THE TIME. In the meantime, I’ve been ignoring an urging or inkling to just sit down and write. So what was I doing instead of writing a moment ago? Ok let’s see.

I logged in to facebook, mindlessly scrolled through the feeds and realized everyone is outside already but on their phones posting what they are doing outside. I was drawn into YouTube somehow through Facebook’s newsfeed which has about 20% important news. Of course I clicked on something not relevant to my life, although I was glad I invested the 1 minute of my life to know Amanda Bynes is doing better and looking saner in a rare public appearance. (No more crazy hair)Ok back to writing right? Nope! On that site I saw a link to 5 creepiest stories ever and then I proceeded to look at videos of mysterious deaths or scenarios. The weirdest one being this girl that was found dead in a water tank in a LA hotel two years ago. I was seeing footage of her in an elevator acting somewhat erratically presumably moments before her death. It’s fun  and eerie watching all these conspiracy theories. I have enough stories in my life to believe in the existence of a spiritual realm and its influence on our perceived reality. So spirits, ghost stories, etc usually draw my gaze but I try not to get too pulled in. Most of it is rubbish and clutter for one’s mind.  Everything is the ILLUMINATI nowadays! ( Where’s the rolling my eyes emoji)

Ok, I’m back out of the vacuum I was sucked into; I’m charging my razor because I’ve decide to manscape a bit, haven’t done so in quite a while. Vain? Perhaps yea a bit. So what, ain’t perfect. I’m looking too furry from what I’m used to. It’s really to please the view of myself in the mirror, not so much because I want to impress anyone at this social shin-dig I’m heading to. In the past that was a dangerous thing because it could be a trigger into checking myself out a bit too long in the mirror then subconsciously triggering my brain to want to act out sexually because I needed the affirmation of being checked out. ..say what?? I digress, I won’t go into the whole sex addiction thing I’m struggling with in this chapter of my life right now. Although that is the topic I’m going to jump back on board once my head is clear of all the social media distracting junk I have right now.

I feel better after spewing this “rant” actually. I’m posting this, going to the supermarket to pick up a side entree , then putting my social game face on. Which honestly I rather enjoy and I’m quite good at; I just need to be in the mood. Luckily I am. Trimmed bodily hair, check.(well kinda, battery died 80% through.ha) European board shorts, check. Sun block ,check. Packed towel check. Ok now off to what’s really important, hang with people I care about and perhaps get to know a few other cool peeps as well. Maybe it’ll turn into a fun cartoon like the pic below !Ok I don’t plan on drinking that much, or at all today… Enjoy your weekend folks ! I’ll be back..